Ah, the holidays. That magical time of year when everyone around you insists on pretending life is one big hot cocoa commercial. Meanwhile, you’re just trying to remember where you left your car keys. Here’s a hint, they are with your house keys. 

Let’s be real: holidays for people with ADHD are like trying to win a marathon where every mile marker is a new distraction. Oh look, lights! Ooo, cookies! Wait, did I buy a gift for my cousin? What’s her name again? Right. Stephanie. Probably.

Here’s how to survive the chaos without spontaneously combusting into a pile of tinsel and regret.

Calendars Are Not Your Enemy (Even If They Feel Like It)

Sure, planning ahead sounds like something for Type-A people with their color-coded planners and fancy pens, but listen: you need a calendar. Not because you’re suddenly going to morph into a scheduling guru (LOL), but because future you is just as clueless as current you.

Here’s a holiday truth bomb: if you don’t write it down, it didn’t happen. “But I’ll remember!” you say. No, you won’t. ADHD brain is like a sieve wrapped in a tornado. Get an app, write it on your hand, carve it into a tree—whatever works—but please, for the love of all things festive, set reminders for everything. Yes, even “remember to eat lunch.”

The Social Energy Black Hole

Ah, holiday parties. The perfect opportunity to stand in a corner clutching a drink you didn’t want, making small talk with someone who insists on telling you about their cat’s diabetes.

Here’s the trick: fake an emergency exit plan. No, seriously. “Oops, I left my oven on!” works wonders when your brain’s social battery drops below 5%. Bonus points if you actually own an oven.

Pro tip: Schedule some downtime. Yes, you’ll forget to do it unless you put it on that calendar you’ve definitely set up already. But trust me, if you don’t recharge, you’ll end up curled under your tree hissing at anyone who gets too close.

Presents for People You Don’t Really Know

Shopping for gifts as an ADHDer is like throwing darts while blindfolded: you might hit the bullseye, but there’s a solid chance you’ll take out a houseplant instead.

First, let’s address the “who is this even for?” dilemma. Oh, your coworker’s husband’s dog groomer got you something last year? Cool. Put them on the list. Except…you lost the list. And the dog groomer’s name.

Solution: buy generic, socially acceptable gifts in bulk. Coffee mugs that say “World’s Okayest Human,” candles that smell like expensive dirt, or those fancy popcorn tins everyone secretly hates but pretends to love. Nobody remembers what you got them anyway, and if they do, congrats! You’re memorable.

Looking Ahead? Never Heard of Her

Here’s the thing about ADHD: time is not real. “Looking ahead” to next week is like asking me to predict the weather in 2047. No one with ADHD is thinking about Christmas in November unless there’s a fire alarm and screaming involved.

So, when you inevitably realize it’s December 23rd and you’ve done absolutely nothing to prepare, just know this: Amazon Prime and gas station gift cards exist for a reason. You’re not a failure; you’re just operating on ADHD Standard Time.

Holiday Perfection is a Lie

Spoiler alert: Nobody has their crap together during the holidays. The only difference is some people are better at faking it. Your ADHD brain might convince you that you’re the only one barely holding it together, but trust me—Karen in accounting is two eggnogs away from a full meltdown.

So stop aiming for Martha Stewart-level perfection. Nobody cares if the cookies are burned, the lights are tangled, or if you “accidentally” drank half the bottle of wine you were supposed to bring to dinner.

Final Thoughts (If I Can Remember Them)

The holidays are messy, chaotic, and stressful for everyone—especially if your brain is basically a snow globe on fast forward. But here’s the good news: you’ve survived every holiday season before this one, and you’ll survive this one too.

Just remember: plan poorly, laugh at the chaos, and buy yourself a gift while you’re at it. You deserve it, even if that gift is a 12-pack of Red Bull and a blanket you’ll lose by February.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah—Happy Holidays! Or, you know, whatever day it is.

Also, just in case nobody has told you today, you’re awesome. 
-Adam