Being diagnosed as neurodivergent later in life—whether it’s ADHD, autism, or another condition—can feel like a revelation. Suddenly, so much of your life makes sense. Your struggles, quirks, and ways of processing the world now have a name. But along with that clarity often comes a deep question: Who am I really?

It’s easy to get lost in the diagnosis, I know I did. The symptoms you’ve been battling your whole life may feel so woven into your personality that it can be difficult to figure out where the diagnosis ends and where “you” begin. Here’s what took me a while to figure out: you are more than your symptoms, and with time, self-awareness, and compassion, you can separate them and embrace your authentic self. The key here is being kind to yourself and giving yourself plenty of time.

Your Diagnosis is a Lens, Not a Definition

When you’re first diagnosed, it’s common to start seeing every aspect of your life through that lens. “That’s my ADHD making me impulsive,” or “I’m just too autistic to handle social settings.” But remember, your diagnosis is a lens through which you can better understand yourself—it’s not a label that defines who you are. As humans we want to put a label on everything and I’ve found this to actually be detrimental as not everything should fit into a nice, neat, labelled box.

Rather than allowing your diagnosis to box you in, use it as a tool to develop greater insight. It gives you the language to describe certain experiences and struggles, but it doesn’t have to define your identity. Who you are is made up of so much more: your values, your passions, and your strengths.

Observe Without Judgment

A powerful way to begin separating your symptoms from yourself is to become a neutral observer. When you notice certain behaviors or patterns in your life, instead of thinking, “This is who I am,” try thinking, “This is something that happens to me.”

For example, if you find yourself procrastinating, instead of getting frustrated and thinking, “I’m just lazy,” you can recognize that procrastination is a symptom of how your brain processes tasks. By observing without judgment, you create space to make changes while showing yourself compassion.

Reclaim Your Strengths

Neurodivergence often comes with incredible strengths. Whether it’s creativity, hyper-focus, empathy, or out-of-the-box problem-solving, your brain is wired in a unique way that offers advantages as well as challenges.

Spend time getting to know your strengths and celebrate them. These strengths are part of who you are—not just part of your neurodivergence. Reclaim them as core aspects of your identity.

Develop New Strategies, Not New Selves

One of the best parts about receiving a diagnosis is that you now have the tools to manage the symptoms that have been making life more difficult. You can seek out new strategies, routines, or support systems to navigate life more smoothly.

But here’s the key: you don’t have to change who you are; you just need better systems in place. Think of it as upgrading your toolkit, not replacing yourself. With the right tools, you can thrive, while still honoring your authentic self.

Create a Narrative That Empowers You

One of the hardest aspects of being diagnosed later in life is looking back and realizing that so much of your experience was shaped by neurodivergence, and yet, you didn’t know it. This can lead to feelings of regret or frustration.

But rather than letting the past define you, use it to create a powerful new narrative. You are resilient. You’ve been navigating life without the tools or understanding that would have made things easier, and you’re still here. Now that you have a diagnosis, you can harness that resilience and use it to shape the future you want.

Surround Yourself with Support

It’s important to connect with others who understand what you’re going through, whether it’s a therapist, coach, or a supportive community of fellow neurodivergent individuals. They can help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster of self-discovery and provide validation as you work to separate your symptoms from your identity. I was lucky enough to have some excellent friends and a supportive partner to help me through this.

In the end, your diagnosis is an important part of your journey, but it’s not the whole story. By understanding your symptoms, developing strategies, and embracing your unique strengths, you can begin to see where the diagnosis stops and where your authentic self shines through. Remember, you are not your symptoms—you are so much more. Want to talk further? Book a free 30 minute coaching session now!